Back to normal...

Whatever "normal" means. No more fighting. Thank goodness. We both admitted to being wrong and saying hurtful things that were not true, so we are back to being best friends. Hallelujah. I had a job interview for an intern position two weeks ago. They called me today and told me I was one of three considered for the position. Sadly, I was not the one that was chosen. I'm ok with it though. Weirdly enough. Hell, I was surprised to even get an interview. But, everything happens for a reason, right? Right? I do have another interview next week that I would not have gotten had I not gone to this last interview. So, maybe things do happen for a reason. Yeah, we'll see.

Fighting.

I hate fighting with people. Not like physically, (but I really want to punch somebody) but verbally. It always seems like I have to be the bigger person and apologize. Well, not this time. I can't always be the person that started it, and I can't always be the person to end it. I'm sick of being the person that gives in...I'm always the one to break down and tell them "I'm sorry" even though I'm really not. I just do it to get it off my conscience. Is that right? Should I just keep ignoring them to keep from lying? I don't know. I love this person with all my heart. She knows everything about me. I just don't understand how every fight we have is my fault. It can not always be my fault. She is not perfect. I know I am not perfect, but why is it always me that ends it? Is it weakness on my part? This year has been the worst year on record for me. I lost my grandfather April 22 and just two months later, my cousin killed himself. I have never experienced a funeral before this year. Now, I'm practically a pro. :( I have never experienced a suicide either. That is a different kind of pain. I still don't know how I am supposed to cope with that. Anyways...While we were fighting, she had the nerve to threaten suicide. Yeah. I can't believe that I actually heard her say that. How dare she say that after what we have been though. All I think now is that I don't need to get as close to her as I used to be...Maybe it won't hurt as bad if she does it. I just want to slap her face and ask her, "really?!" I'm so pissed at her I can't even see straight. I figured one day our perfect little relationship would change. I didn't think it would be like this though. She is the closest think I have to a friend and it seems she is trying to push me away. I don't know if she said that to hurt me or what, but it worked. It kills me to think about it. I'm almost in tears writing this. I guess she doesn't value our relationship like I do. Hell, she was cruel saying that. She has no idea how bad it hurt. It wouldn't even surprise me for her to read this and say, "you have comma's out of place." Or some kind of smart ass response. I guess that is what king of person she is and I am just now seeing it. I have such love for her and that is how she acts. Am I just stupid? Does my love for her blind me? I don't know where to go from here.

My God...

I'm a tomato!!


No, that is not what I was going to write about... Has it really been 8 days from one post to the next? Where does time go? I have been trying to stay on top of my homework. I only have like 2 weeks left of summer classes and then fall starts. This might not get updated much come august. Hell, it might not get touched at all. I have some of my harder classes this fall. I'm not too happy about it. If I want that degree, I must do it! That sounded motivational. Not really. Ugh...I'm depressed now.

I don't understand....

If you tell someone you are going to do something, and then never do it....wouldn't this be considered a lie? I can understand if you forget, but if you have been reminded MANY times and still cease to do the task, I would consider this a lie. It's also funny to get ignored via text message. It just proves how stupid this person is to respond to any message not pertaining to the "task", but as soon as it is mentioned....The conversation stops. It makes me RAGE. >< It really makes me want absolutely nothing to do with you. I pray that you want something from me one day. I am sooooo going to throw this in your ugly face. Can you tell that I am slightly bitter? I mean, really?! I sit in class with you and watch you text non-stop. I know you got my message. Wtf is your problem?

Rain.

It's is raining outside. But hey, we need it sooo badly. I think (other than 3 days ago) it has not rained in close to a month. The grass is was slowly dying. At least I have not had to mow it every other day. This is amazing sleeping weather. It's it really sad that I am sitting here watching a live beach cam. I really wish I was there. Maybe when I do get the chance to go, I will not have to deal with oil. Yucky.



While I'm sitting here, I might as well post a picture of my baby. She was laying on her back asleep on the couch.

Death Note.

Has you ever read Death Note by Tsugumi Ohba? It is a manga..(no mom, it is not a comic book). It is so good! That is my favorite series so far. It is unusual too...I usually like the fantasy books. Vampire books are my favorite. Ok, I will admit it, I used to love Twilight. Not so much anymore. I have seen Dracula and the awesome thing about vampires is they CAN NOT got outside during the day. That is their weakness. Everyone has one, but not Edward Cullen. I guess his weakness is....Bella? I think he is an abomination anyways. Oh, and have you noticed that apparently his fantasy is to repeat high school over and over and over and over. He did joke about his collection of graduation caps. What a dumb ass. Ok, I'm an immortal...what do I want to do? Go to high school! And when I graduate, I want to move to another town...and go to high school!! What a waste of an eternal life.

Ok, I'm starting to rant. At least my homework is done. I'm too tired to check for errors, so it will have to wait until tomorrow. Forgive me if you spot an error or two in here...It's almost midnight..I'm a little tired.

A new blog.

So, I have created my 2nd blog. I kinda let my other one slip. I will try to not let that happen to this one...as long as school does not completely interfere with it...which it probably will. ugh. Stupid school. Hell, I'm a senior now. I should be enjoying it, but the amount of worry that goes with school (and my inability to stop worrying) makes me wish it away. I have had a tough year, but it has taught me how short life is. It can be taken away in a heartbeat...and that is scarier than hell.


Anyways, I do have some homework that I need to finish.


Oh! Before I forget the introductions....Leeloo is my baby. She is a Beagle/Blue Heeler. Well, 80 pounds later, we have changed that to Blue Tick/Blue Heeler. She was my graduation preset when I got my associates degree.


Ugh...Homework...MUST FINISH.